AFVOA Newletters of Year 2005

Page 16 of 75 they were at the beach. The children were building sand castles and the ladies were playing with them. Sunder and his friend decided to rustle up some breakfast from the stores nearby (Food World). Meanwhile at the beach, they saw a huge wave shooting at them. They all hurried to the road. The children reached first. The ladies found it difficult. But a fisherman who was passing by held their hands and exhorted them to run fast and not look back, as they can be petrified by seeing the huge sheet of water. They could reach the road, already wet with sea wash, sans foot wear and other bags. But they were safe. Here on getting out of the stores, Sunder and his friend saw a bustle and people rushing about and wondered whether there was any bull/ buffalo run. When they learnt of the real reason, they were worried and started a search for their families. Soon they got reunited. ( ~ courtesy AVM Krishnaswamy, VSM and Brig AD Venkateswaran ) Anger Management B y Cathleen Henning 65. Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions— frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away. Problem Solving 66. Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away. Better Communication 67. Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. 68. Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. 69. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel