AFVOA Newsletter of Year 2021

Section 7 – Panorama CV 2 No. 01 / 2021 Page 105 of 123 Suicides by airmen are very few and I had not heard of one sinceI was posted to the Academy. When I reached the station, a team of Army Police was waiting for us along with the RailwayPolice. I didn’t have to wonder for long how they knew it was an airman from the Air Force Academy since there were a few other Air Force Stations in and around Hyderabad. The airman had left a suicide note. Although the Academy was a large station, I knewmost airmenpersonally and I couldn’t understand who would take the extreme step. From a distance, I saw the body sprawled on the railway tracks. Yes, the uniform was that of the Air Force. As I walked closer, I realized with shock that it was none other than Sergeant Kulwant. Sergeant Kulwant lay across the tracks, the torso neatly sliced intwo. The face was intact. Gone was the worry, the anxiety, the troubled look hehada fewdays back. He lay there serene in death. What could drive a man who gave so much happiness to others to this extreme step! The Railway Police officials handed me the suicide note which explained it all. The note was addressed to his wife and was dated a week back.It was found in his left breast pocket closest to his heart. The writing was blotched, soaked in tears which had now driedup. It chokes me to this day to think of its contents. …How ten days before his leave, his batch mates had persuadedhim to join a party. Unused to drinking, how Kulwant had got carried away and had drunk himself to a stupor. How he had lost control over himself. If that were all, Kulwant would have lived that day. The group had persuaded him to join them in a night at a house of ill repute. Waking up in the morning, Kulwant realized his transgression. This treachery towards his doting wife lay so heavy on his conscience that he atoned by giving up life. And then I remembered from the previous week, his strife-torn,anxious face, his bleary eyes, and the lost look. I now understoodthe raging war that had been going through him. If only, I had understood at the time. Kulwant, in his letter, sought repentance and begged forgivenessfrom his wife. I can’t help thinking that shewould forgive him for the treachery that hung heavy on him. But would she forgive him for making her wait forever by seeking repentance in death? Could she? I remained at the Academy for another year and a half after Kulwant’s death. The PSI bus ran without any trouble or incident. I felt Kulwant’s spirit hovered over it with protection.